If you have swiped right or left on the dating apps EVER, chances are you have been ghosted.
When someone you’ve been chatting with randomly stops answering and disappears from the face of the planet, making you wonder what you possibly could have said or done to scare them off.
Eg. I was talking to this one guy and things were going well, but then he ghosted me.
Being ghosted is probably one of the worst feelings in the modern dating world. Just when you let your guard down, start opening up and getting excited about the possibility of what might come from talking to this new person – POOF. They’re gone quicker than it took to swipe right. It’s not a match, Bumble.
Of course you know deep down that it really isn’t worth it and it’s better to just forget about the ghoster and move on, but it still stings. Here is our 5-step ghosting recovery plan when the frustration sets in and you’re left wondering, “What did I do? What could I have done differently?”
1. Pep Talk
The truth is, you couldn’t have done anything differently. Sure, you may be thinking, “Did I message them too much? Did that one joke about marriage scare them off?” And you know what, maybe you did, and maybe it did. But the one thing about online dating is that if you show up as anything other than yourself, hold back and not make that hilarious joke about running away together and getting married because you both like pineapple on your pizza, you probably won’t find what you’re looking for.
So give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself that their disappearance truly says more about them and where they are at in their dating journey than you. You are a badass bitch. You’re a goddess. You’re a freaking catch – and when someone ghosts you, it’s the universe telling you that it wasn’t meant to be – despite how cute their dog really was. Don’t forget your worth, especially if you’ve been ghosted.
2. Send a Follow-up.
You were mid-conversation. Things were going great, you had some witty banter back and forth, you were talking about your families and summer plans, just assessing the situation before you invited them out for a first date to meet in person and BAM. POOF. GONEZO. You’ve been waiting for a message, checking your phone a few times a day and still – nada.
You know what? It’s only been a few days and you’re not afraid of going after what you want – so send them a follow-up! Just a quick “Hey stranger! How’s your week going?” Or send them an Adele meme, “Hello, it’s me. I’ve been wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet.” Once you send the follow-up – leave it. Ball is in their court and they’ll reach out if they want to continue the conversation.
3. One Last Chance.
Now if you have already been on a date with them, this is even more frustrating – they messaged you after the date saying they had a great time and you continued chatting and nothing. This is when a simple call-out comes in handy. Anything too confrontational and they’ll probably just ignore it. Something playfully straightforward and confident may bring them back into orbit if they have been just busy. “Hey, I just wanted to follow up one last time! I would love to set up a second date if you’re still interested! Or have you forgotten how awesome I am?” Because it is true – you are awesome.
3. Unmatch + Let Go.
Ok so it’s been over a week since you’ve heard from them – you’ve had the outgoing messages sitting in your conversations and you keep checking your phone and flopping back and forth between – screw them, I should just unmatch and well maybe they’re just having a busy week or something happened. But you know the truth. It sucks, but they’re just not that into you. If they were interested you would have had a message in your inbox by now along the lines of – “Good Morning Gorgeous!” or even “Sorry, it has been a crazy week! I’m so sorry i’ve been MIA – let me take you out for a drink this weekend to make up for it”. Still nothing? Don’t scroll back through your messages and wonder what you could have said differently, it’s simple – unmatch.
Unmatch, delete their message chain and phone number – remove from followers on instagram and unfriend on snapchat. Whatever stage you were at in your conversation – you deserve someone who will wish you a good morning, someone who wants to set-up a date to meet you in person and honestly – simply message back. The swipe era is full of distractions and the promise of a seemingly bottomless dating pool, and you don’t need them watching your stories and reminding you of the quasi-rejection. They simply could have found someone a little closer to what they’re ultimately looking for!
3. Thank You, Next.
In the words of pop queen, Ariana Grande – “Thank You, Next!” Clearly this is ghosting is a sign that this person wasn’t the right match, and that is okay! Honestly, you’re better off, and good news – you are one step closer to finding your match. There are plenty of fish in the sea after all, so keep swiping, keep chatting and don’t hold back – you are perfect as you are. The modern dating era isn’t always a blast, but that doesn’t mean it has to be stressful and depressing. Have fun with it – chat with some cuties and make some connections. If being ghosted is really the worst that can happen, then you definitely got this.
Note to the Ghosters: if you are the ghoster and not the ghostee, there is no reason to. It may feel like the easy way out, but it’s just as easy to send a quick message like, “Hey! Sorry I’ve been MIA, I just wanted to let you know that I just don’t feel a spark with us. It was so nice chatting with you and I wish you the best in your search!” This will make you both feel better, promise!
See? Easy Peesy.
If you are looking to get back into the dating game post-pandemic – read our Quicky Guide to Hooking Up After Covid for some tips and tricks and find out what to expect.