Written By: Alexandria Brown
Just a lovesick girl living in a fantasy world …
Wouldn’t it be great if they had a support group for hopeless romantics?
“Hi! My name is Alexandria. It’s been ten days since I’ve fell hopelessly in love, five hours since I watched my last romantic comedy and uh, about three minutes since my last fantasy about a white horse and prince.”
I have always had a problem with idealizing falling in love, but I often find that living in the fantasy is sometimes better than the real thing. Sometimes, but not always. I’ve been lucky enough to witness real love in those closest to me and I’ve seen it grow and change to become something better than the fantasy.
Although I’m pretty sure I’m single handedly keeping romance novels, sappy love songs and romantic comedies in business, I’ve experienced a lot from being a hopeless romantic in ‘real life’.
Here are a few things that I’ve learned.
Disney lies. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’re going to love you back.
Maybe the most obvious, but also the hardest to accept. Just because you love someone and feel it in the very depths of your soul doesn’t mean that they feel it too. Remember the first time you fell in love with that girl or guy who you were sure you were going to marry, and they didn’t feel it too?
That shit hurt. And it likely left a big scar on your heart.
Act like the buyer, not the seller.
One thing’s for sure; you’ve got to be a buyer in a seller’s market. In the single world, it’s easy to find potential lovers through apps, online dating, sometimes even the bar, but don’t feel like you have to be constantly telling someone why they should pick you. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I often end up pitching myself to a guy in hopes that he’s going to pick me over the other viable options. When falling in love you have to see your worth and allow the other person to see it too. You shouldn’t have to pound it into their head.
Fight for what you want
If romantic comedies have taught us anything, it’s that if you have an extremely crazy blow up and let the person go without a fight, a few days later they are going to see yellow peonies (or insert your favourite flower here) and realize that they love you.
Except no. This sure as hell does not happen.
If you let someone you love walk out the door, there’s no guarantee they are coming back. You have to fight for what you want and if it’s the love you share, then you fight until you know you’ve done all you can.
True love exists. Fantasies do not.
As a writer, it’s easy for me to get caught up in a story. I have an obsession with meet cutes which usually lead me to asking couples incredibly personal questions about their relationships.
When a relationship does actually start to coagulate into something real, that’s usually about the time I check out. I’ve focused so much on the fantasy that real life feels too scary.
I’ve seen real true love. There’s no chasing the plane down the runway to stop the love of your life from leaving or waking up in the middle of the night realizing you’ve been in love with your best friend for years. I’m not saying this could never happen, but I’m saying that often what happens is that you develop a deep relationship built on trust, honesty and love. Boring nights at home with the person you love is ten times better than chasing a plane down a runway.
I fall in love fast and hard but the person it took me the longest to love was myself. I measured my self worth by the relationships I’ve kept. When a relationship would start to head down the dark tunnel to an eventual ending, I started to blame myself by thinking that I was not pretty enough or smart enough or nice enough. Which is a load of crap. Relationships end and in most cases, it has everything to do with the fact that it wasn’t right for either of you.
I will always be in love with love. This world needs hopeless romantics just like it needs level headed romantics. We all balance each other out. No matter what end of the spectrum you fall on just know that being whoever you are is your one sure fire ticket to finding the person you’re meant for.
Now, which rom-com should I watch next?