Breaking up is hard to do. Resisting an ex can be even harder.

Written by Kelsay Gault Breaking up sucks regardless of which side you are on. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been dating seriously or if it’s a fling. The bottom line is: break ups suck. But, do you know what sucks even more? The repeat break up. Let’s face it. We all have moments in our […]

Written by Kelsay Gault

Breaking up sucks regardless of which side you are on.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been dating seriously or if it’s a fling. The bottom line is: break ups suck. But, do you know what sucks even more? The repeat break up.

Let’s face it. We all have moments in our relationships where we either question our own sanity or our partner’s, spiral into wondering if we are right for each other, which lead us to doubting the entire relationship.

Sometimes we overreact and completely exaggerate in the event of a breakup, but other times (and whether or not we like to admit it) we react in a completely irrational way. Sometimes we hit the nail on the head, whether we want to or not.

Remember in the “Girls Gone Wild” article where I recall a break-up where I had hoped to mend the faults and fill the cracks in my relationship? What you don’t know is that I was able to convince my partner to try to work out our issues. Well – guess what? It only lasted for three weeks before old habits fell back into place and we imploded once again. Surprise, surprise. The repeat break up.

When it comes to breaking up with someone, more often times than not, it is not an easy decision to make. Perhaps the decision itself is easy, but the execution is difficult. Both parties always leave with heartache; some with more than others, yuck. What comes next is the hard part…

So, you get back together, or you want to, or the other party wants to. My two cents on this is are as follows…

By pursuing a relationship with this person, you’ve (most likely) gotten over those awkward moments, you’re familiar with their likes/dislikes and they are familiar with yours. Most of all, you are comfortable. This is a word I strongly dislike, and if you’re curious as to why…well, it’s because it leads to mediocre relationships. These relationships aren’t necessarily based on happiness – they are just based on comfort.

This is what happens to most relationships: you break up, bandage it, and get back together. Then a year, one month or a few weeks later, you repeat. It’s like a bad Herbal Essences commercial – lather, rinse, repeat. You can’t keep starting over. History doesn’t just erase itself!

If I may, I suggest you sit back and remember why you broke up in the first place. What were the real reasons behind the faults in your relationship? Why would you truly want to be with this person again?

I’m not sure if “love” is a fulsome (or strong) enough response. I believe that these relationships are doomed from their second, third, or sometimes fourth beginning.

If you are considering getting back together with your ex, consider these things first:

1. An ex is an ex is an ex. You broke up for a reason, remember that.

2. Low success rate. Out of my circle of friends, I know perhaps one or two couples that have outlasted their break up cycle. Your chances are pretty low.

3. Complacency. Once you return to your relationship, you become so nervous that a change might ignite an old spark and you become complacent, again leading to a mediocre relationship.

4. Old habits. We are our habits, and sometimes those are not great things to have. Reluctantly, many of us fall back into these habits because it’s just who we are. Find a relationship with someone who appreciates your habits, and theirs exist in harmony with yours. If yours have clashed with someone before, it’s likely they’ll clash again.

5. It’s toxic. Often times we trap ourselves in vicious circles of give and take and they lead to insecurities, fights, and an overall toxicity level that is irreparable. These relationships are often ridden with so many cracks that the toxicity seeps into it much more easily.

 

To end things on a positive note, the main reason why you shouldn’t get back together with your ex? Because you’re closing off the possibility of meeting the person you’re meant to be with next, or maybe even forever. Leave the past in the past, my friends.

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