What gives him the right to call you baby?
Once in awhile you have a fantastic first date. You can’t wait to see them again. This wasn’t one of those times.
Great eyes, great arms, smooth french accent.
The date was nice enough and he was straight up, “I want to see you again”. I like when they say that.
What I don’t like is being called babe, baby, hun, sweetheart and beautiful all within the span of twenty four hours. After one date. One seventy five minute coffee date.
He said many other flattering things-all things I wouldn’t mind hearing eventually. Like, “I want to make this work with you”. How many girls would absolutely die to hear the guy they like say that? After seeing each other for longer than seventy five minutes that is.
He also pointed out, “Our kids would have blonde hair…” My stomach turned-not in a good way.
I politely asked him three times to stop calling me hun, babe, or anything other than my name. After the third text that had an “I miss you” in it I just couldn’t handle it any longer.
So, I pose the question: What does one have to do to earn the right to call you baby?
“He will never earn the right”. I have a handful of friends who absolutely hate it. They would rather some personalized embarrassing nickname like Bonzo or Stinky.
Other’s allow it but they’re very specific on their terms.
Nat: “I’ve allowed “babe” a couple of times if they let it slip out by accident, but it can never be on purpose.” I also got “eat pussy” and “has to have met my family”.
Some people silently tolerate it. “I’ll let her say it, but in my head I’m judging her. My last girlfriend called me baby too early and guess where she is now?”
Not his girlfriend.
I’ve only ever enjoyed being called baby once. But it was quite the emotional roller-coaster getting there. Of course at first I cringed a little. He kept accidentally letting it slip. After rolling my eyes at him one morning he boldly said, “Pretty soon it’s not going to matter what I call you, as long as it’s me saying it”.
Well, he was right.
I suppose what you have to do to earn the right to call me baby is make me really like you. If falling for someone is like standing on a cliff edge, I have to have both feet in the water.
But when it’s the right person, chances are they can call you whatever they want and you’re going to like it. Or at least not want to vomit.
I think what bothered me more than the pet names was the “I miss you”. This wasn’t the first time I had a guy be full on after the first or second date. What annoys me is that these guys seemingly don’t require any depth in a person to miss them. My blonde hair and blue eyes seem to suffice. What could possibly have you that hooked so quickly? I was there too. The date wasn’t that amazing.
A dear friend was consoling me as I was having an anxiety attack at the thought of date #2 with him. Was there something wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just be flattered? Why was his misuse of “baby” bothering me so much?
“You need to be mind-fucked in order to be attracted to someone.”
By that, what she meant was I need to be intellectually attracted to someone in order to want to see them again/want to kiss them.
Or be five beers deep.
But it’s true. Sometimes it feels like a curse. Maybe this good looking French man who wasn’t afraid to express his feelings would have been some other girls dream. But his instant attraction to me when he knew so little about me was a complete turn off.
Under no circumstances was he allowed to call me baby, let alone claim he missed me.
I want to be missed for the stuff someone has to dig deep for.
That’s gonna take you longer than one coffee date.
By Kylie King