Written By: Katherine Tetz
On the hunt for Mr. Right, sometimes you end up with some bad eggs.
I’ve heard this dating advice many times over the last few years - “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
I can’t say I’ve followed this advice religiously, or at all for that matter. When I meet someone I like, I like them and only them. I’m kind of like a bug. If the men in my life are a bunch of glowing lights, I go for the shiniest one and he’s got my full attention.
I put all my eggs in one basket you could say. His basket.
This keeps biting me in the ass.
Another problem has arisen since that terrible mercury retrograde we went through in February. Even though nothing has panned out [clearly still single] they keep lingering. It’s like I still have a few egg shells out there that I haven’t collected.
Now they’re the bugs. Annoying ones that keep buzzing around my periphery.
I’m partially to blame for this. Whenever I get a brazilian wax I tend to make bad decisions. [Don’t judge me, I know I’m not the only one.] My new years resolution was to not sleep with any assholes. Then it came time for my next wax.
Two days after the fact I had failed my 2015 promise to myself and brought one of them back into the mix. Self restraint? What's that?
Then there’s this guy I dated last year for awhile. I keep randomly hearing from him. Maybe he thinks it’s nice of him to “check in”. I know better - His check in’s are usually in between his spurts on Tinder.
And then there’s Carlton.
There’s a common sentiment that exists within my friend circle. “Poor Carlton.”
Now, I definitely don’t like being pitied, and there’s really no reason for us to feel pity for Carlton either. He’s smart, sexy, tall, kind, etc, etc. There would have been some definite perks to dating him. My mother would have been very excited if I had brought him home for Easter this weekend.
Except I wasn’t into him. I tried, but the elusive spark was not there. After a month of dating I realized that I had put him in the friend zone and as much as I tried to convince myself that continuing to see him was a good idea, I knew doing so wasn't fair to him, or to myself.
And unfortunately he was one of those guys who just wasn’t getting the hint.
In fact, I can’t even call it hinting! I was very straight and clear with him, multiple times.
Initial break up text: “I don’t see this going any further for me.”
Two weeks later: “No I don’t think going for wine is a good idea.”
Four weeks later: “No Carlton I don’t want to sleep with you. Yes I realize you mean friends-with-benefits but I don’t want that either."
Then the final straw. I was very excited when I found out that he had gone on a couple of dates with a girl I knew. When I heard from him again I asked him about it. “I heard you went on a few dates with Hannah! She’s great!”
He must have taken my inquiry as jealousy.
His response: “What, did you think I was going to put all my eggs in one basket with you?”
I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET CARL.
Yes I actually texted him that and yes I still heard from him a few months later offering to take me for dinner.
So here’s what I’ve learned. Sometimes we put our eggs in people’s baskets too soon. Sometimes they still have one of our eggs even when they shouldn’t. And sometimes you get eggs put into your basket that you really don’t want but if the other person won’t take it back, there’s not much you can do about it.
Part of my spring cleaning is going to involve organizing my egg collection if you will.
Happy Easter everyone! The hunt continues.