How Girls Get Over Guys

Written By: Katie Tetz

'cause getting back on the horse ain't always the easiest

The only thing more depressing than a breakup is the last Sunday of Stampede.

No? Just me?

Breakups. They suck. But I’d like to think that as we get older we get a little better at dealing with them. We’re more mature now right?

Personally, my strategy in high school was ‘make out with as many of his friends as possible’. I’ve grown up at least a little bit since then.

Over the years my friends and I have tried various strategies to let go of that person you didn’t think you could live without.

Here are some ways that us girls try to get over guys, none of which work.

1. GIRLS NIGHT!

It’s the first Friday after your break up and you rally all of your girlfriends. You think it’s a great idea to get more drunk than you’ve been all year. Since your friends are so caring and thoughtful and determined to get you through this breakup, they bring tequila. It’s all fun and games until someone says something that reminds you that you’re sad. Then the tequila does the exact opposite of what you want it to. It doesn’t drown your sorrow; it amplifies it.

Now you’re in the bathroom of a grungy bar sobbing to your best friend. You’re not making any sense, your makeup is running down your face, and you don’t believe anyone has ever been this sad in their entire life.

GIRLS NIGHT never works.

2. Download Tinder/eHarmony/POF

Sure, you could have a new date by the next afternoon. Once and awhile Tinder will give you a surprising amount of attractive potential mates. But chances are if you’re mid heart-break and start swiping the selection will only depress you further. Or it will tell you there’s no one new around you and you’ll hang your head in defeat-you’ve literally gone through the entire city. You even increased your radius to include Canmore. You’re going to be alone forever.

3. Get under someone new.

The only girl I know who can make this work is my friend Radio Girl. Read this.

Otherwise, in the history of my friends breakups I’ve only seen this end in disaster when implemented too soon. Wait until you’re ready and don’t listen to the vodka that makes you think it’s a good idea.

4. Delete him from all social media.

This used to work but thanks to the stupid CLOUD there’s always a way that your sneaky heartbroken self can find his number.

A few weeks ago a friend of a friend told me that when she broke up with her ex she put HER phone number under his name so that when she had too much to drink she would end up texting herself.

“I miss you.”

She’d text herself back: “I miss you too.”

This completely fake conversation would leave her a little disappointed in the morning when she’d remember what she’d done and that no, they weren’t getting back together, but at least there was no morning after regret.

Deleting him from social media doesn’t work because your girl-brain will remember everything you need to continue stalking him.

Just beware of the accidental double-tap.

Unfortunately the only thing that actually works is letting yourself be sad for awhile. You’re going to sit across from a new guy and wish it was the old one. Stupid things will remind you of him. Just accept it. Go to yoga. Read a book. Listen to Beyonce and Taylor.

And in summary I think the best advice I ever got was don’t get drunk.