Written By Katie Tetz
It's all about speaking the right language.
“This book changed my life.” Says my Australian coworker sitting across from me at the Perk.
She was talking about The 5 Love Languages “The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. There’s a quiz you can take that will tell you what your primary love language is. Your love language is how you feel loved and basically the secret to not fighting with your boyfriend.
I swore mine was going to be ‘Picks me up delicious food and is nice to my cat.’
The point of the book is that falling in love is easy but maintaining a healthy relationship where both parties feel loved is a daily practice.
First of all, I’d like to have a little chat with Gary. Read my blog and then try convincing me that falling in love is easy.
But according to my reliable resource of a coworker, this book is pretty magnificent.
Australia had spent the last six years doing things for her fiance, thinking that cleaning up after him and making his life easier was how she could make him happy. But all this effort was for nothing.
Her fiances’ love language was not what Gary calls, “Acts of Service.” All Australia’s fiance needed were a few “Words of Affirmation” and he was a happy camper.
“So all you had to do for the last six years was send him nice text messages and say I love you when you hung up the phone?”
“That’s so easy.”
“I KNOW.” And so ended her useless and futile attempts at showing him she loves him. Now she just throws words of affirmation at him 24/7.
He’s only slept on the couch once since.
I decided to take the quiz. While I doubt it’s going to change my life as a single lady, it did make me go “AHA-That’s why I hate being called baby!”
My analysis went like this: I scored 10/12 for 'Acts of Service'. That’s pretty high. This doesn’t mean that I look for a servant in a man, but it does mean that I can’t stand laziness or broken commitments. Apparently I just really like it when someone eases the burden of responsibility for me. Like when my boyfriend in high school helped me with my math homework. That just might have been the moment I fell in love. And that time my stampede lover who I’ll never see again made my bed for me. I felt this little surge of gratefulness and because of that one act, he has a redeemable reputation in my mind.
My lowest score was in 'Words of Affirmation'. This helped me make sense of the fact that once when I received this text: “Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today?” I cringed while my roommate at the time let out a big “AWWWWwwwww.”
I wanted to throw my phone across the room. But she ate that shit up!
Yet, when the same guy came over and fixed my broken cabinet, I gushed over him. Fixing my cabinet was an act of service. It was something thoughtful that made my life a little easier. I finally understood why something like fixing things for me, helping me move, making me breakfast, or helping [doing] my math homework made me all googly eyed.
You can open the car door for me, but don’t you dare whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
My old boss scored an even amount for Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch AND Quality Time.
“GOD am I needy”.
Another friend scored really high for Words of Affirmation but 0 for Quality Time.
“Ah yes, my daddy issues.”
So whether you’re in a relationship or not, I think Gary Chapman could at least help you discover why you prefer certain gestures over another. Who doesn’t love a little more self awareness? It’s like a Cosmo quiz adult style.