Girls Gone Wild

Written by Kelsay Gault

How to NOT be the crazy chick. 

This article will resonate with so many girls...that you might think I’ve written it about you.

Full disclosure: I have no game. I am a dork. However, I have also been the crazy girlfriend…but let's revisit that shameful and rather nightmare-ish experience later on.

Okay, so you've met a really great guy - maybe you've known him for awhile as an acquaintance or as a good friend, or perhaps he's fresh meat (a stranger, how exciting!) - but things are not going as expected, or anywhere at all.

The way I see it? You really only have one option – and that's to B-O-U-N-C-E. The problem? Apparently this isn’t a common viewpoint with most men and women – as there’s a lot of “repeat offenders.” These poor hopefuls try to make things work...thinking that with just a little bit more time it might "eventually work out."

Well, here's what I've learned: relationships don't “work out,” they just are. In my experience, the best relationships happen organically and without pressure. Sure, there are exceptions and the tried-and-true couple can prevail, but do the ends really justify the means? I don’t know…just seems so...stressful? Unfair? Tiring?

Here we go, as I cringe, we are taking a step back to my 20 year-old crazy girlfriend self:

Scenario 1 of 400 - He's out with his friends drinking. 

Initially, I try to play it cool...no texts, YOLO sweetheart...and by 11 PM after I have encouraged him to have fun and not worry about texting me I want to freak the fuck out. I verbally unleash and attack: "You're being inconsiderate." "What are you doing?" "Where are you guys?" followed by a “WHY AREN'T YOU REPLYING?" and now I am crying.

I can't even finish the other 399 scenarios that play themselves out just like that. Cue: everyone is now wincing in unison either because you ARE that girl, you’ve BEEN that girl, or you KNOW that girl. 

This isn't even the worst of the crazy...at this point, we had been dating seriously for a few years and I had developed some insecurities (some rightfully so and others, eh, not so much). The worst type of crazy comes from suffering immediate rejection and either choosing to ignore it or believing the story isn't over yet. 

NEWS FLASH: it's over. When you're rejected, pack your bags and move on. It sucks, boo. I know because I've been there and I am telling you not to linger. I have begged and pleaded (on my knees and in tears, poor me…) and guess what? He still didn't take me back. In hindsight, why would he? Insecurity and dependence on other people (friends, family or boyfriend) is just plain unattractive and it's actually rather annoying. 

You can try to convince yourself that it might have worked out or that you had a good thing going, and maybe you did. But that was then and this is now. 

Here's my advice to you to avoid being “that” crazy girl:

If he has implied he is not interested, or friends have confirmed these implications, do NOT continue to text him. If you are, stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you continue to text (and you text him paragraphs explaining why he is wrong to have treated you such and such...), you should expect to be known by every one of his friends as that crazy chick. You do not want to be that girl.  

He calls you out on a mistake and you deny it to your grave. Guys are dumb, but they aren't blind. They can see through it all.  Just stop now.

He tells you he isn't looking for a relationship or it isn't the right time for him. He might genuinely not be interested in a relationship and timing may not be in your favor, but if he liked you I highly doubt he would say that upfront. He's being polite - respect that and walk away. 

Do not lie to your friends about how you do not text him. We can all see through that.  

If he sleeps with you and doesn't hang out with your friends or invite you to hang with his then get out. Unless, of course, you're prepared for the aftermath. Those types of relationships always end up with someone getting hurt. 

BUT WAIT! He still Snapchats me, likes my Instagrams and texts me! Well, he probably does that to 15 other girls…so don’t take it too heavily.

Delete his number. Stop following him on Instagram, or whatever other medium it is that you creep him on nonstop. That girl that you think might be seeing him, or how much fun he is allegedly (and likely) having without you is none of your business and won’t help.

Never, and I repeat, never show up at someone's home when you are not welcome. This is not only crazy, but it is stalker-ish. True story. 

If he doesn't reply to your texts, stop texting him. If you continue to bombard him, he will be even more turned off (and anyone within a 10 foot vicinity will know how annoying you are.)

Lastly, stop calling him an asshole. He's not, maybe a little bit, but relax. If he was texting you things like "I miss you" or confiding in you, you may have had reason to believe he was interested when he wasn't, which is not fair. It is highly unlikely for a dude to purposefully waste his time like that. Guys, all of this goes for you too – stage 5 clinger is a total abort mission.

Take yourself out of the situation and pretend that your friend is telling you what you are saying. Would you think they are acting in a mature, lady boss fashion?

Probably not. I'm gonna guess you're thinking "jeebus F you're f'ing crazy."